Moustakas Autograph
Got this text from poscast contributor Daniel at 6:24 last night:
“So we lose a spot or 2 in the draft but spank the donkeys @ mile high & crush their hopes of making the playoffs. I’ll take it.”
I concur, with several “fuck”s and “yeah”s sprinkled in, though I my mass “Horray Chiefs!” text would have gone something like:
“So we lose a spot or 2 in the draft but avoid Whitlock whining about Scott Pioli and Todd Haley for at least another week. I’ll take it.”*
* In fact, if you were following @BWetherJohnson or @KCSportsPodcast on Twitter (plug!!), you would have gotten it
And so ends the 50th season of Kansas City Chiefs football, a season that will be known primarily for three things:
1.) The Chiefs sucking
2.) Todd Haley being an asshole
3.) The Chiefs sucking
The reason for pointing out the texts/tweets at the beginning of the column is that it does feel good to go out a winner. Even if it was against a Denver team that was decidedly more putrid than what their record after six weeks looked like.
Looking at the analysis of the game from a Chiefs perspective at first put a damper on the good feelings that I had acquired while watching the game.
Final nine weeks:
BRONCOS:
Record: 2-7
Off yards: 330
Def yards: 339
CHIEFS:
Record 3-6
Off yards: 392
Def Yards: 341
At first glance, I thought, “Oh…well, that’s not so impressive. The Broncos were at least as bad, if not worse than us. We should have won the game.”
Then…well, wait a minute…did I just say??
That’s right, we should have won the game. In this historically awful season of retartedly putrid football, the Chiefs were actually (or at least should have been) favored to win a game…and they actually pulled together and did.
Early in the season, we were (well, me in particular) resigned to downplaying any significance of the Chief’s play due to the fact that they were playing with Carl Peterson and Herm Edwards’ collection of shit boxes. There wasn’t, I contended, any real way to determine the improvement of the players on this particular team due to the fact that most of them would be replaced by better players before the team turned the corner and actually started winning again.
Well, it looks like maybe the improvement was there after all, and there are some legitimate pieces to build on. That, coupled with a full slate of draft picks and an entire year of scouting under their belt, I would say what looked impossible for Haley and Pioli a few scant weeks ago might actually transpire: the Chiefs might actually compete before 2015.
Of course, feel free to bookmark this and send it to me after Haley is fired after starting next season 0-5 and Jack Harry is reporting he knifed a hobo under the Paseo Bridge.
There are no magical ways for a bad football team to get better overnight. The Chiefs still have a long, long road ahead of them, but if you would have asked me to pick any Chiefs team in the past nine years to go into Invesco Field (which opened in 2001) and beat a Broncos team that was playing for their playoff lives, this team would have been on the bottom of my list. And this team is the only Chiefs team to do that.
That, as they say, is why they play the games. And that, as they say, is why when you start using Chris Berman schtick, it’s time to end the column.
Jason Whitlock is fat!! Byesers!!
– Programming Note:
For those that follow our Twitter Feed @KCSportsPodcast we plan to be much more active, so, you know…tweet us (??) Logg and myself have joined the fray as well.
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Time for a Week in Review Grab Bag!! Let’s see what we find!! (I hope it’s a Zhu Zhu Pet!!)
Nebraska + Iowa = Kansas
Looks like Lew Perkins was resigned to take his third choice thrilled to hire former Nebraska QB and Buffalo head coach Turner Gill. Gill has been listed as one of the “Neat’o Awesome Up-And-Coming Coaches” (official title) for the past couple of years. He’s had some moderate success at a place where nobody expects even moderate success, and took Buffalo to their first bowl game ever.
These are all (yawn) good things, but what most people are talking about is the crack staff of assistant coaches that Gill has assembled to serve on his staff.* These names include such also-rans as Carl Torbush and former Iowa QB Chuck Long.
* ”Serve on his staff”…This sounds a lot dirtier than it should…
Many are hoping that the recruiting trail will open up a little wider* with both on board, because, you know, nothing says Kansas Football like former Iowa and Nebraska Quarterbacks!! Still, from experience, people in Iowa are fucking crazy. Chuck Long’s name still holds a shit ton of water down here, and it’s a hell of a lot easier to convince a corn-fed half-ton youngster to take the trek to Lawrence, KS than it is to get him to go to either Buffalo or San Diego.
* “The recruiting trail will open up a little wider” …This also sounds a lot dirtier than it should…
Oh, and I’d be remised if I didn’t mention Whitlock’s take.
If you’re scoring at home:
Turner Gill: “I’ll give [him] two years before offering a strong opinion.”
Todd Haley: “Fuck that guy”
Trey Hillman: “Who??”
My advice, Turner?? Invite Ole’ Whitty over for a nice all-you-can-eat buffet before the season so that you can butter him up. You don’t want to face the wrath of a Whitty scorned. And if that fails?? I’m sure Charles Barkley will be more than willing to take you up on your offer.
High Powered Recruits + Overmatched Opponents = Kansas
It’s that time of year again!! Snow on the ground?? Check. Fifty point victories?? Check. Sherron Collins trying to shed the last few pound of off-season McDonalds weight?? Check and mate.
It’s College Basketball Season!! Yeeay!!
It’s a little hard to tell about these Jayhawks. They are absolutely rolling right now, and if not for a single renegade Texas vote, they’d be a unanimous #1. Now, traditionally, there’s not much to be said for CBB before January, and KU’s pre-Big XII season in the past hasn’t been filled with heavy-hitters either, but this season is particularly void of nearly any competition.
Really, the only time KU has struggled this year was against Memphis, and boy was that scary. As down as Memphis is talent-wise this year, they’re still the most formidable opponent they’ve faced this year, and they just barely squeaked it out.
Still, with as bad as their pre-conference schedule is this year, the Big XII itself is looking better and better. Mizzou is always a tough out and only two years removed from an Elite Eight run. K-State is no longer an afterthought, and back in the Top 25. Texas Tech is finally buying into Knight Jr.-ball. Even Iowa State is improved; returning their top scorer for the first time in five years. Looks like the conference is bound to give the KU steamroller some speed bumps this winter…and that’s not necessarily a bad thing…
Also, is this a bad time to mention that I had a dream last night that KU was beaten by Wisconsin in the second round of the tourney in a game in which Cole Aldrich scored only five points?? Also (in real life) I already have tickets to go with HP to the Midwest Regional Final in St. Louis in March.
OK…I’ll shut up now…
Mizzou + Big Ten = Cash Cow
The Big Ten, as they do every couple of years, has made some noise this week by stating that they will be looking at the possibility of adding a twelfth team to the conference, or as I like to call it, “Shit, we’re insignificant after Thanksgiving…let’s stir the pot.”
The usual names of Pitt and Notre Dame, of course came up, but one, Missouri, might sound surprising. Missouri, after all, is not viewed as a traditional Big Ten school. But take this into consideration.
Plus for Mizzou: The Big Ten Network has been a financial boon for the conference, with the proceeds split between all conference members. The Big XII TV Contract with FSN is heavily geared toward the southern half of the conference. Also, they already have a natural Big Ten rival in Illinois. Not quite the Border War, but an established rivalry none-the-less.
Plus for the Big Eleven: Despite gaining another team for the purposes of hosting a conference championship game, the Big Ten would figure to expand their reach to not one but two metropolitan areas; St Louis and Kansas City. Oh, sorry…that’s $t. Loui$ and Kan$a$ City.
But, it being college athletics and all, it probably makes WAY too much sense for anybody to actually go for it.
For those of you who don’t know, your boy Bellwether is a pretty accomplished musician. I have rocked out with my cock out for years with a few weekend warrior friends over the past few years, and have even released albums and toured the Midwest (in a van!! RAWK!!).
Now, I fancy myself as pretty damn good, and do generally take bad reviews with at least a little twinge of anger and jealousy. Still, though, any well of comebacks that I reach into is utterly devoid of pointlessness. You see, you’d never catch me in a retort saying something like this:
“Oh, Yeah!?!? Well my Dad went to college at the University of Illinois in Champaign, and you know who the biggest bar band in Champaign was when he went there?? REO Speedwagon!! Yeah!! Think about that the next time you say my bass playing sucks!! My dad went to the bars in college to watch REO!!”*
* All 100% True, BTW…
And do you know why I would never resort to such folly?? Because I’m not an insane person…but Larry Johnson is!!
What other conclusion could one draw from these tweets from LJ following the Chief’s 37-7 drubbing at the hands of the Chargers. Said [sic’d] tweets include:
“my father got more creditentials than most of these pro coaches. … google my father!!!!!!!”
…and…
“My father played for the coach from “rememeber the titans”. Our coach played golf. My father played for redskins briefley. Our coach. Nuthn”
Zing, indeed.
What your father playing for a coach characterized (read: Disney’d-up) by Denzel Washington would have to do with your football acumen is beyond me, but using that as an example of how much more in-tune with the gridiron you are than a man who was breaking down film with one of the most accomplished NFL executives of all time (his father) from the age of six is down right, well…LJ-esque.
So, I’ll give you a multiple-choice question about where this story goes from here.
1.) LJ apologizes, immediately announces that he will donate half of his 2009 salary to charity. He also buys the whole team a giant cake (and who doesn’t love cake!!)
2.) LJ shoves Len Dawson to the ground while simultaneously spitting a drink on him and waiving a gun in the air.
3.) LJ returns to the Chief’s locker room, shuns reporters and calls Jamal Charles a faggot.
(Don’t lie…you actually thought it might be #2 for a second there…)
I’m not going to use this space to rail (any more) on LJ, pontificate on his strange career, or speculate on the fact that said career might soon include a swift departure out of the Chief’s front door. It is clear that LJ, the most visible hangover (term used literally) from the Carl Peterson era epitomizes everything wrong with this team at the moment: moody, angering, and not at all capable of playing football. Larry Johnson can suck a cock (no homo).